A Mother’s Perspective

I’ve come to look at depression in the way of “Perspectives.” As a family of five (My husband, myself and 3 daughters)..….each one of us had our own experience and interpretation of life with a loved one struggling with depression. Each experience was unique to each one of us but the common thread that bound us together was our love for my daughter.

When someone you love is in pain……everyone hurts. When someone you love is hopeless…..everyone feels hopeless. When someone you love is angry…..everyone is angry. The family unit is is altered and stretched to unimaginable limits and each of us walked away with a completely different perspective………

Here is mine……..

The Mother’s Perspective………

When I first had my daughter I truly felt like I could conquer the world. I had always dreamt of having a daughter and then within 5 years of having Sara, God blessed me with 2 more little girls. Life in that moment was perfect. We were a family of 5 and I could not be more satisfied and content with my adorable little family.

In my mind I felt insanely prepared for the stages and phases of raising kids. I was a former First Grade Teacher and I had my Masters Degree in Reading. I fully understood the stages of development and I was so excited to “float” through parenting because I thought my education had prepared me for anything that was to come my way.

I was wrong!

I can honestly say that a lot of this journey through my daughter’s depression was very lonely. I felt like when I was in the thick of the chaos……nobody could relate or understand the stress I was experiencing.

Believe me…it was never for the lack of trying by family and friends but the pain and confusion ran so deep within me….no one could dig me out of my isolation.

I lived in a very negative and jealous headspace for a while and the craziest part is…..I had NO IDEA

I was edgy, judgmental and jealous that everyone’s life seemed to be going a lot easier than my own. I was constantly comparing my child to the social and emotional milestones of others and I see now that was the unhealthiest thing I could have done. It took many years to shake that mindset but due to the circumstances it all makes sense as I reflect back.

We are programmed and conditioned in life to see and feel that perfection or some form of… is the goal and the Holy Grail. As parents we strive in the most loving way to have our children fit in, excel, thrive and most of all BE HAPPY. We envision the friends they will have, the sports they will participate in and the the parties they will attend. When depression in your child hits……all of those lofty goals and dreams seem to disappear.

I started to live in the land of being STUCK……..

What is being STUCK anyway?

Picture watching a beautiful happy movie in vibrant colors………..

Then…….without warning the movie flips to black and white.

Picture loving being social with friends and family and loving all the details and ease of life…..

Then…….isolating yourself to hide frustration, confusion and pain.

Picture feeling confident as a mother in all ways…happy….loving….fun to be around..

Then….feeling defeated, depressed, shame and worry.

Life in the land of the stuck felt like quicksand and I was sinking deeper and deeper into the hole.

I cried from the moment I woke up and then many times throughout each and every day..

I was sad and at a loss……..

LIFE FELT SO UNFAIR!

This truly was the perspective I lived in and the way I saw my own world and my own life for YEARS!

To be honest…..those feelings are very valid and very understandable. It WAS sad, I WAS jealous and I WAS scared!

What I would love to share now is the perspective of what life looks like when you approach your child’s struggles from a different angle. An angle that doesn’t require isolation and shame.

Wiggling out of this STUCK perspective took a lot of mental work as a mom and as a family but we got there. Life started to shift, change and open up when we started sharing our struggles with the ones we loved. To be quite frank…..life started to shift, change and open up when we started to share our struggles with the world!

Now I am not suggesting that everyone goes LIVE on Facebook like I did during this revelation about breaking stigmas……. but what I am suggesting is to begin breaking the stigma within your circle of family, friends and most importantly within yourself and your child who is struggling.

We need to truly understand that IT IS OK TO NOT BE OK!

Let’s say that again………IT IS OK TO NOT BE OK!

Depression is COMMON….

Depression is TREATABLE……….

Depression is NOT FOREVER!

This is a journey that needs all hands on deck. This is a journey that needs compassion and understanding. This is a journey that needs love and acceptance of where you are in this moment in life and know that THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

No dark days will stay forever. They may feel like they will but I can promise you they won’t.

I started to see this journey through depression like being in an ocean. You begin swimming through life…..enjoying the peacefulness of it all and then suddenly out of nowhere….big intimidating waves start to build. As the waves of depression build……you scramble and thrust your way through the process….. and the more you panic…..the more danger you put yourself in.

We have all learned from an early age as swimmers….. if you get caught in a riptide…. the worst thing you can do is panic. We are taught to stay calm…..float….. and swim parallel to the shore.

I see the approach to parenting a struggling child in the same way.

If we panic and let fear guide us through the process…….we will get pulled under to the darkness of the ocean floor.

In order to save ourself and our family….we must stay calm….we must have faith….we must float.

Our perspective and approach will determine how we get to shore…….

Our perspective and approach will change the trajectory of the healing process….

The way to “float” is…….

Share your situation with loved ones!

Ask for help!

Don’t be ashamed!

Break the stigma!

In doing this….you will see the shoreline with sun on your face and peace in your heart.

It will be ok……..we are proof of that.❤️

XOXO🦋

to turn on your back…..put your face towards the sun……put faith and hope in your mind…..and just float.

May this blog help you calm the fear and help you begin to peacefully float.

XOXO🦋

This journey can blindside you and knock you right off of your feet. When that realization happens that thinks are taking a different direction or a detour, it is very hard to comprehend and swallow.

During that time of darkness in